Numbers Don’t Lie…Or Do They?

Image result for weighing inSo – I weighed 255 at the end of January and now it is March. I weighed in January because that was my last doctor’s visit, that’s how I know my weight.

I only weigh at the doctor’s office, never on scales at home. Why? Because my whole life has revolved around that scale. People always say:

“Don’t weigh yourself every day!”

But I did. Every time I started a new diet, the scale became my obsession. Every morning, I would remove all clothing and jewelry and I would shave…just in case those hairs weigh more than we realize. I would then step on the scale and the cycle would begin.

“I gained a pound yesterday, I will not eat any meals today and just drink water

“I have weighed the same for the past 2 weeks, something is wrong, I am just giving up!”

The number on that scale dictated my self-worth. The number on that scale told me whether I was a failure or a success. The number on that scale decided for me if I would get dressed and go out into the world that day.

I can remember in elementary school when they would weigh and measure the students, I would dread this day more than anything. I would try to get in the back of the line so no one could hear my weight. That was at 12 years old!! For over 40 years, I have let a scale tell me who I am.

When I got to my heaviest, I avoided the scale like the plague (is that politically correct to say?). I even avoided the doctor because I knew the first thing they would say was “let’s get your weight”.  I didn’t need to go to the doctor, I knew I was obese. I knew everything that was wrong with me was because of my weight.

So in 2017, when I got on the scale at the doctor’s and weighed 478 pounds, I knew I had to face some facts.

I changed everything in my life. My eating, my sleeping, my exercise and my attitude. I also changed the way I weigh (like that?).  I would not let myself become a scale victim. I decided to only weigh at the doctor’s office every 3-4 months. When people would ask, “How much have you lost?” I was able to say “I don’t really know.” The number was not what was important. The fact that I was getting my life back was the most important thing to me.

So numbers do lie. The scale numbers may tell you that you can’t do it. Those numbers may cause you to ridicule and judge yourself, but you are so much more than that number. Just like I am. Just like every person is.

So if you want to make a change, do it for you. You are beautiful, you are worth the effort and you are definitely more than a number. It may not happen overnight (she said TWO YEARS LATER!) but it will be worth every bit of work you put into it.

Make that change.


Outside the Comfort Zone

Exercise. It’s always been a dirty word to me. How many times have I heard: “It doesn’t matter how you eat, you have to exercise” or “move at least 30 minutes a day” or “exercise was created by Satan”. OK, I made up the last one but I am pretty sure it is true.

I started working out at the local Y. I haven’t stopped (OK, my son won’t LET me stop). I thought I was really on top of it. I was feeling a bit cocky, a bit too cocky (dramatic music…). Then I met “HIM”.

I went to a trainer. For the first time in my life. I was scared to death. Totally not something that makes me comfortable. TOTALLY! I made my husband go with me. I honestly had visions of them standing over me with a stop watch and a clipboard, shaking their heads and making funny sounds, like: “hmph” or “mmmmmmmm” or “dear lord in heaven why has this woman waited so long to get here”!

He pushed me harder than I have ever pushed myself. There is a bit of my brain that makes me stop my own workout at a certain point…oh yea, that is the point of passing out. I tend to talk a lot and joke when I am nervous. Always have. He fixed that problem!! I was breathless the whole time so I couldn’t talk or joke.

But you know what?

I went back. A second time. There are few times I have really felt proud of myself…the birth of my children, the first time I passed by a Chick-Fil-A without stopping and going back to this trainer.

My point of all this is that if we do not push ourselves out of our comfort zone, we will never grow or change. I have had to push my boundaries so many times over the past 2 years. I have always been very content in my little world..never venturing out, not passing GO and not opening myself to others. I thought I was content. I thought this made me happy. But I was wrong.

Someone said to me the other day, “There is a light in your eyes that I have never seen before”. At first, I thought that was so sad. I felt like I had been such a pathetic person. Then I realized that I cannot feel sorry for that person. I have to forgive that person and go on. That person was a scared woman who had no idea she could be anything else. And she couldn’t be anything else…until she pushed that comfort zone to it’s limits.

What keeps you behind walls? Is there something you need to break through? Share it with me…I have a hatchet…I can help you tear it down.

NSV – do you have it?

booth1So…if you have a weight issue or even a body issue… it is so easy to become a slave to the scale.

“I had that burrito last night while I watched Jimmy Kimmel, how much did my weight change?”

“Yes! I weighted .70 less than I did yesterday. Time to celebrate!”

However, I was awakened to a new revelation this week. NON-SCALE VICTORIES! Here is what happened: We walked into a restaurant and I went over to a booth and thought “Should I try?” Something with this new attitude in my life made me go ahead and try to sit down. AND I FIT! I fit in a booth for the first time in many many years.

You have to deal with this issue to understand what I am talking about…there is nothing worse than having to constantly worry that there will be no tables available if we go out to eat. Or looking up new restaurants on-line to find images of the inside so you know if there are tables available or space to move between the tables.
Then there’s the time you get into someone’s car and you have to attach the seat-belt before you sit down because it will not fit around you. I can remember attending my nieces wedding and almost squatting through the whole service because I was afraid the chairs would collapse underneath my weight. Or when your son graduates, and you have to plan to attend the ceremony around places to sit when you cannot walk any more. Or asking your daughter if it is OK if you don’t attend her volleyball tournament because you don’t know the layout of the new gymnasium.
These are all obstacles that people face every day. And it’s easy to say, “well. Then lose weight!” but it isn’t that easy to do. I have lost almost 180 pounds, but I have tremendous support, I mean tremendous support. My husband, my children, my family, even my community supports me. What about the person who doesn’t have this? What about the person trying to overcome an obstacle on their own? One of my missions through this journey is to make myself available to any one who feels the way I did.
I know that the healing begins on the inside, it did with me. I had to fix my insides before I could ever begin successfully working on the outside. But it is hard to do. Don’t try to make all the changes at one time and take time to notice your NSVs!
I looked down at my shoes the other day and realized my shoes were tied in the middle rather than on the side – NSV!
I went to the mall with my daughter to shop for her homecoming dress – NSV!

Don’t be a slave to the scale, let your body and mind tell you if you are heading in the right direction. Then celebrate that victory and love yourself…because you (and I) are worth it!

Let me know of your NSVs and we an celebrate them together (not with food of course)!

Let It Go!

So, I had Let-go-Elsa-Frozena really really bad weekend. I mean REALLY bad. So many emotions and so much crying…UGH. You know what I mean right? When you lay down and your head is throbbing and your eyes are swollen shut and you just want the night to pass as quickly as possible.

On top of all of that, I had a Dr.’s appointment first thing Monday morning. Well, I don’t know about you, but I have a lump that starts in my throat when I have to go to the Doctor. I know this is from years and years of being told I was overweight which was causing my high blood pressure and my cholesterol level to be high (not the good cholesterol but the BAD cholesterol). Basically, being told I was slowly killing myself.

So, I told myself, “When you finish at the Dr., just drive across the street and get a Chick-Fil-A biscuit. It will be one time and no one will know. You certainly do NOT have to blog about it!”

I got to the Doctor and was called in to be weighed. I stepped on the scale and my weight was the lowest it had been in years…I mean 6 years! I immediately asked her to weigh me again so I could see the number. She did. I burst into tears. The nurse got a bit teary when I explained to her what I was seeing for the first time in forever.

The Doctor came in to a red-eyed woman, sniffing and dabbing her eyes (yeah – it was me). I think he assumed I was having a breakdown right in the middle of his office because he began backing up and nervously asking the nurse where the tranquilizers were kept (OK, maybe I imagined that part). The nurse explained what was going on and the Doctor gave out a whoop and gave me a huge hug. So, I did what anybody else would do in that situation…yup, I cried again.

But something snapped in me. I realized I had never really been open about my actual weight. I have shared my weight loss story and I have shared obstacles, but I have never taken that step to become completely honest and transparent. I know why. Years and years of being ashamed of myself and hiding have led to hiding the actual numbers from everyone.

You know, when I was in elementary school, they would weigh us yearly. In front of the whole class. That was horrifying for me. I would try to be “sick” on that day. I remember lying about my weight on what should have been the happiest day of any 16-year old’s life…the day you get your license. I have always seen my weight as a negative, as something that no one needed to know.

But I feel differently know. I am proud of my weight and I have lost over 150 pounds! So, while my number may seem unbelievable to you, to me it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

So…here goes (deep breath) (drum roll)…I weighed in today at 297 pounds. First time below 300 pounds in a long time. That’s why I cried…that’s why I practically danced my way to the checkout counter at the Doctor office…that’s why I am so proud of myself.

So, if you are hiding behind a number…let it go (no Frozen singing PLEASE). If people are going to judge you based on that number, let them. You don’t need those people in your life anyway. But think of the people who will support you and give you courage to continue. Heck, if you don’t want to share with anyone else-share with me!!

Oh, and I did go to Chick-Fil-A and ordered one medium unsweetened tea.

Life is good.