NSV – do you have it?

booth1So…if you have a weight issue or even a body issue… it is so easy to become a slave to the scale.

“I had that burrito last night while I watched Jimmy Kimmel, how much did my weight change?”

“Yes! I weighted .70 less than I did yesterday. Time to celebrate!”

However, I was awakened to a new revelation this week. NON-SCALE VICTORIES! Here is what happened: We walked into a restaurant and I went over to a booth and thought “Should I try?” Something with this new attitude in my life made me go ahead and try to sit down. AND I FIT! I fit in a booth for the first time in many many years.

You have to deal with this issue to understand what I am talking about…there is nothing worse than having to constantly worry that there will be no tables available if we go out to eat. Or looking up new restaurants on-line to find images of the inside so you know if there are tables available or space to move between the tables.
Then there’s the time you get into someone’s car and you have to attach the seat-belt before you sit down because it will not fit around you. I can remember attending my nieces wedding and almost squatting through the whole service because I was afraid the chairs would collapse underneath my weight. Or when your son graduates, and you have to plan to attend the ceremony around places to sit when you cannot walk any more. Or asking your daughter if it is OK if you don’t attend her volleyball tournament because you don’t know the layout of the new gymnasium.
These are all obstacles that people face every day. And it’s easy to say, “well. Then lose weight!” but it isn’t that easy to do. I have lost almost 180 pounds, but I have tremendous support, I mean tremendous support. My husband, my children, my family, even my community supports me. What about the person who doesn’t have this? What about the person trying to overcome an obstacle on their own? One of my missions through this journey is to make myself available to any one who feels the way I did.
I know that the healing begins on the inside, it did with me. I had to fix my insides before I could ever begin successfully working on the outside. But it is hard to do. Don’t try to make all the changes at one time and take time to notice your NSVs!
I looked down at my shoes the other day and realized my shoes were tied in the middle rather than on the side – NSV!
I went to the mall with my daughter to shop for her homecoming dress – NSV!

Don’t be a slave to the scale, let your body and mind tell you if you are heading in the right direction. Then celebrate that victory and love yourself…because you (and I) are worth it!

Let me know of your NSVs and we an celebrate them together (not with food of course)!

Let It Go!

So, I had Let-go-Elsa-Frozena really really bad weekend. I mean REALLY bad. So many emotions and so much crying…UGH. You know what I mean right? When you lay down and your head is throbbing and your eyes are swollen shut and you just want the night to pass as quickly as possible.

On top of all of that, I had a Dr.’s appointment first thing Monday morning. Well, I don’t know about you, but I have a lump that starts in my throat when I have to go to the Doctor. I know this is from years and years of being told I was overweight which was causing my high blood pressure and my cholesterol level to be high (not the good cholesterol but the BAD cholesterol). Basically, being told I was slowly killing myself.

So, I told myself, “When you finish at the Dr., just drive across the street and get a Chick-Fil-A biscuit. It will be one time and no one will know. You certainly do NOT have to blog about it!”

I got to the Doctor and was called in to be weighed. I stepped on the scale and my weight was the lowest it had been in years…I mean 6 years! I immediately asked her to weigh me again so I could see the number. She did. I burst into tears. The nurse got a bit teary when I explained to her what I was seeing for the first time in forever.

The Doctor came in to a red-eyed woman, sniffing and dabbing her eyes (yeah – it was me). I think he assumed I was having a breakdown right in the middle of his office because he began backing up and nervously asking the nurse where the tranquilizers were kept (OK, maybe I imagined that part). The nurse explained what was going on and the Doctor gave out a whoop and gave me a huge hug. So, I did what anybody else would do in that situation…yup, I cried again.

But something snapped in me. I realized I had never really been open about my actual weight. I have shared my weight loss story and I have shared obstacles, but I have never taken that step to become completely honest and transparent. I know why. Years and years of being ashamed of myself and hiding have led to hiding the actual numbers from everyone.

You know, when I was in elementary school, they would weigh us yearly. In front of the whole class. That was horrifying for me. I would try to be “sick” on that day. I remember lying about my weight on what should have been the happiest day of any 16-year old’s life…the day you get your license. I have always seen my weight as a negative, as something that no one needed to know.

But I feel differently know. I am proud of my weight and I have lost over 150 pounds! So, while my number may seem unbelievable to you, to me it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

So…here goes (deep breath) (drum roll)…I weighed in today at 297 pounds. First time below 300 pounds in a long time. That’s why I cried…that’s why I practically danced my way to the checkout counter at the Doctor office…that’s why I am so proud of myself.

So, if you are hiding behind a number…let it go (no Frozen singing PLEASE). If people are going to judge you based on that number, let them. You don’t need those people in your life anyway. But think of the people who will support you and give you courage to continue. Heck, if you don’t want to share with anyone else-share with me!!

Oh, and I did go to Chick-Fil-A and ordered one medium unsweetened tea.

Life is good.


Excuse my English accent…

Call-the-Midwife-cast-80fa917I don’t know if you watch “Call the Midwife” or not. My sister got me addicted to this show and I really resent her for that. Now I cannot face my day without talking in an English accent and pretending that everything is “tip top tickety-boo!” To say the very least, my children and husband are very upset my sister got me addicted to this show as well.

The other night, one of the show’s characters said: “I have come to the conclusion that there are only two reasons for doing anything. One is love, the other is fear”. That really hit home with me. I thought about my weight loss and my journey to become healthy.  Was it fear or love that pushed me into starting?

I honestly have to say both. It was my love for my family and my life that caused me to realize that something needed to be done with my health. But it was also my fear of leaving that family and love too soon that really gave me a kick in the arse. This made me wonder if fear was a stronger emotion than love?

Love makes the world go around and love reconnects lost family members and love has made many a pop star several million dollars. But fear can make a mother lift a car off her child or make a teacher risk his life to protect a room full of students. So, can fear really be stronger than love. And in my case, was it fear that convinced me to begin moving my body and eating healthy?

Fear may be strong, but it is also very cowardly. Fear can make you stay in a relationship that you know is bad for you. Fear can keep you immobile, scared to stand up for yourself or others. And fear of the unknown and the different can cause one to carry hate and distrust in their heart.

Fear can also make you believe you are comfortable with a way of life that is slowly killing you.

So, no, it wasn’t fear that gave me the courage to turn away from a destructive life and it wasn’t love of my family either. It was love for myself. Love for the person that I knew I could be: the person hiding inside out of fear. Fear of going back to school probably added 50 pounds, fear of making mistakes as a parent added at least 50. And fear of failing my family through actions or words…let’s just add another 100 pounds with that one.

Fear will not make us change, fear will keep us in one position unable to move ahead. But love? Love is understanding when you fail, love is patient when you make mistakes and love is overwhelming when you feel that you cannot make it another moment.

What do I so when I have a bad day? Or when I don’t want to exercise, or I want to eat everything I have put on the “HELL NO” list? I call my sisters or brother, I text my husband, or I go see my parents. Because love is not just a warm feeling…love is nonjudgmental.

So, pip pip ole chap! Take a look at what fear is keeping you from doing. Make some changes and look for the love!!