Coffee with a side of WHAT?

Ok, I am on a health journey, I am not shy about that. I want to be abe to experience things that I previously was too scared to try. Massage? Got one. Cryotherapy? Yup. Chiropractor? Been there. I am a big fan (no pun intended) of alternative medicine. I have always been a little nervous to try it, but I have always fascinated by it. So, as my weight gets lower and lower, I find myself reading and joining groups that advocate non-mainstream medications. So, that brings me to my latest blog…not sure if every one is ready for this, but I have always been honest so here goes…

COFFEE ENEMAS!

Yes, you read that right. Go back and reread it if you think you may have been mistaken. I will wait.

Ok, so I learned about “Up Yours Java”- a company that teaches and endorses the use of coffee and hydrogen peroxide water enemas. You do these every morning. You have to prepare both the water and the coffee. I mean, you can’t go through Starbucks and ask them for the “Bottom Line Frappucino”. Believe it or not, there is actually a coffee made special for enemas. I purchased all my equipment (a French Press, the Coffee, Mason Jars, an Enema gadget and food grade hydrogen peroxide). I was ready to start but I wasn’t starting. A bit nervous, I guess. Finally, my husband mentioned all the new products in the pantry and compared it to my buying a juicer when I was doing a Juice Fast, buting organic veggies when I was doing a Veggie cleanse, the monthly pills that were guaranteed to eliminate stubborn belly fat… Ok, I knew I had to star.t I could not let him win an argument.

So I prepared my Mason jars. Boiled the distilled water, added the drops, made the coffee and 2 hours later…there I sat with two full Mason jars. My kids would enter the kitchen and ask what I was working on…then they would quickly run back to their rooms yelling something that amounted to “Dear God Mom…” I took this as them thanking the Lord above that I had found a new passion in life.

So, you are supposed to do the enemas for 30 days. Every morning. Now, I am not a morning person. So, waking up an hour ahead of my normal time to insert a tube into my nether regions did not make me extremely happy. But I did it. Yes, I did it. The company is fantastic about using actual pictures to demonstrate the product and it’s use. However, these people on the web page are apparently into hard core yoga. They were smiling and twisting their bodies for “easy and simply insertion”. Ok, how hard could this be, I thought.

I made my safe place (put an old beach towel on the floor) and plopped myself down on the ground to begin. Obviously, the people in the p ictures do not have dogs. As soon as I plopped, both dogs came running over and began jumping around and barking. They were obviously a lot more excited about this than I was. So, that was a no go. Locked the dogs out of the room and started again.

I wish I could explain the sounds that came from me as I tried to twist my body as they did in the pictures. It is not easy. Have you every given yourself an enema? I mean a legit enema…a tubing attached to a bucket of liquid? Well, lets just say I am glad I locked my door. I was making so much noise and grunting so loudly my husband began trying to enter the door and yelling. “Joanna! Should I call 911?” “What the heck is going on?” “EIther answer me ro I am breaking the door down!” I managed to tell him I was fine in between grunts. He wasn’t convinced and he and the dogs decided to wait outside the door barking (him) and whining (the dogs).

So, I will not go into details…unless you want details. But let’s just say it all worked out in the END! I have completed 6 days doing this, no, let’s say I have survived 6 days doing this. Will I continue? I do not know. But I will gladly keep you informed of what is happening in my lower intestine.

What about you? Have you tried anything new that you normally would have never tried? Let me know!! We gain a bit of confidence and courage as we regain our self confidence. It can be fun and it can also be…weird.

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