I am just not feeling it today. I am not feeling like drinking my hot tea this morning. I am not feeling like tracking every single morsel I put in my mouth. I am not feeling like trying to fit 45 minutes in at the gym grunting and groaning. And I just do not feel like having to watch what I eat and do today. Just don’t wanna.
You know, I talk a good talk. I walk around with my “fitness plate” app and am constantly figuring carbs, fat, and protein. “If I add too much cheese to this salad-is it going to blow my numbers off track?” “Did I drink 6 or 8 glasses of water yet?” “Oh Lord – I can’t find the nutrition values for this almond flour!” But sometimes I just don’t feel like doing it…like today.
So what should I do? In my head…I hear that little voice starting…”you have done so well..is one chick-fil-a sandwich REALLY going to hurt?” This is when eating right is the hardest for me. It would be so easy to give in to that temptation. And it’s hard to get rid of that, trust me, I have tried. It’s not like I can call an exorcist to exorcise my food demons (I tried…he never called back).
So there I was, not feeling like doing ANY of this food work and getting ready to just say: “FORGET THIS” and rummage through my kid’s Easter baskets for candy that I could eat without them noticing it missing (I mean, I could ALWAYS blame it on the dogs). But that’s when it happened – I got a text from my husband. It was a picture of me taken 2 years ago with the words “I am so proud of how far you have come!”
I looked at that picture and a flood of memories came over me. The feeling of being so sad and miserable, pretty much depressed. I didn’t want to feel that way again. I still have a lot of weight to lose but I FEEL differently now. I don’t feel so sad, I don’t feel so tired, I don’t wait for my husband to do everything, and I feel positive about my future. I want to STAY on this path. I want to continue feeling better and better every day.
So what do I do on these days when I feel like not dealing with it? I will look at this picture and I will remember the “me” that was and I will remember why I am doing this. A longer life, a healthier life, enjoying my kids and loving my husband. This is why I am doing this.
I don’t like to share pictures of myself, but I can’t write this blog and NOT share the picture.