Wow! I did not see it, I had no clue it would happen. But it did. Valentine’s Day hit me like a ton of bricks. Christmas? Not really a big problem, had a few Christmas cookies but nothing really bad. New Years? No biggie either, really. I probably could have passed on the macaroni and cheese…but COME ON! But Valentine’s Day? Chocolate everywhere and I do mean EVERY where.
I walked into State Farm to pay our car insurance and there is a huge bowl of chocolate kisses. Kisses are the perfect amount of chocolate, small enough to eat in one bite and still satisfying (plus so easy to hide in pockets…). I focused on my task at hand and passed those kisses by. Then I made the HUGE mistake of running into Target. WHOA! Chocolate everywhere. I put my blinders on and headed straight back to the toilet bowl cleaners, made my purchase and left the Willy Wonka wonderland as fast as I could.
Now I know that you are probably saying: “It’s one chocolate kiss, you are entitled”. Or as my mind tries to tell me: “You have done so well these past months, it’s time to relax and enjoy. Plus, isn’t chocolate considered a protein source somewhere? ANY where?”
But that is the whole problem. Why should my “reward” be chocolate? Why not a new pair of fluffy socks (which Target had on sale fr $1.99-just sayin’). If I fall “off the wagon” and start eating chocolate, my brain immediately will go into “oh this is ok” mode and I will be sitting in my car with a large fry wondering what went wrong.
Addiction is defined as a brain disorder characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli despite adverse consequences. People don’t see food addiction as a real addiction sometimes. They think people can just “push away from the table” or “just put that second plate away”. It’s like telling someone in AA, “come on, you’ve been sober for 3 months…just one drink”.
My name is Joanna and I am a food addict.
This battle with food has taught me so much about why I overeat. There are many issues in my life that I have covered with food. I am learning how to deal with them in a positive manner. I am learning to love myself and see how far I have come instead of how far I have to go.
So, I will not have a chocolate kiss this Valentine’s Day. I will go home and eat my grilled chicken salad and I will be thankful that I am on the road to recovery. It’s a long road, but the trip has to begin somewhere.
Besides…chocolate tastes a lot like chicken!!
Love you all immensely!