So this happened the other day. Yes this picture is a REAL picture of REAL doughnuts that were sitting within one foot of me in my car. These doughnuts!! Just look at them…yes that is bacon on top of one and that is Oreo’s on top of another. How did this happen? Why did this happen? And dear Lord how many can I fit into my mouth at one time?
So, here is the story. I went to USC in Columbia SC to see my middle child (who is always diligently studying so that he cannot ever come home, really, he is, he told me he was). Well, I picked him up and was going to drop him off at a gaming tournament (yes I did say GAMING tournament) when he said, “I would really like to take some doughnuts in to the guys – can we stop around the corner and pick up a dozen?”
So, I innocently stop at Zombie Donuts in Columbia and hand over my debit card to my son. He runs in and comes out with a big box of doughnuts. No big deal, I think, I haven’t had sugar in so long – it won’t have any effect on me. WOW! I know why they call them ZOMBIE donuts…as the smell of these doughnuts began to work it’s way through the car, I could feel the change happening: my eyes began to glaze over, my hands started shaking, my mouth fell open and I am pretty sure that I began salivating all over the car. I may have even lost consciousness for a moment because I remember my son calling my name and looking at me with a very odd, confused look.
“Mom, what’s happening to you,” he asked and I tried to reassure him but all I could muster was “Meeeeee donuttttt”. All I could see was doughnuts, all I could smell was doughnuts. I vaguely remember my son reaching for the door handle and starting to jump out while throwing doughnuts at me and screaming “For God’s sake here…stop chewing on my arm!”
OK, none of that really happened but I was tempted. Oh boy was I tempted. But you know what? I never gave in. I knew that I would take a bite of that doughnut and the immediate rush would be wonderful, but then I would hit rock bottom and I would feel horrible. I am not saying that I will never eat a doughnut again. But I will plan it if I want it. I will not just cram it in because I let the smell and sight of that or any food have control of my mind and body. I am in control.
Control is a hard thing when it comes to food, especially for a food addict. I was talking to my niece the other day about temptation and she gave me some advice: “sometimes the need seems so strong that you need to remove yourself from that situation”. I have done that; I have walked outside the house and sat on the porch to “admire the sunset”. What that really means is: I am leaving the house because of the hot pizza that Papa John just left at my house for the kids (oh yeah, he is on speed dial).
So I am not seeing temptation as a sign of weakness, I am seeing my response to this temptation as a huge success for me. There may be a day when I can be around pizza, doughnuts and yes, even tootsie rolls without feeling that pull…but it doesn’t matter if that day never arrives. I can handle this.
Plus, seeing those numbers on the scale go down feels a WHOLE lot better than that five seconds of doughnut heaven!
Love you guys immensely!