The Vijayjay Chronicles

Hello, dear hearts, I am back. I have to share my adventure from yesterday. First…a little background…I have continuously cancelled my Gynocology appointments for the past 12 years! YES TWELVE YEARS! Since I started gaining the weight, I just could not stand the thought of sitting butt naked on a table with a paper towel stretched to its limits and still just covering a portion of my blessed chest. As appointment date would draw near, I would say to myself “Let’s change the appointment to 6 months out – I should be able to channel Cindy Crawford (or Gigi Hadid for those younger in age).” Of course another 6 months would pass and WHAT?? I gained weight? Ok, let’s move it a year out…surely I can lose 100 pounds by then! So, anyway, you get it. The cycle continued and went on for 12 years. HOWEVER! With the new “Go Big or Go Home” me…I decided it was time to bite the bullet and head to the vijayjay doc. I called the doctor (silently hoping he was booked for a year or so) and made my appointment. UGH! It was a done deal and I was NOT backing out. No matter how scared I was.

I started reading posts online written by people who were feeling the same way I was. One woman could not stand the thought of being judged by her weight that she had her therapist write a note that she was to not be weighed. So many people with these same fears. Why do we do this to ourselves? We use fear as a way to avoid uncomfortable situations. And I am right there with you – I don’t walk around my house butt naked, I don’t even get out of the shower butt naked – there is a towel ALWAYS in hand. I am obviously not comfortable in my own skin right now. But health is a priority. Do I want to explain to my daughter that I had breast cancer but it went undiagnosed because I was too embarrassed to go to the Doctor? Or cervical cancer? No, we have to find a way to make these situations bearable for ourselves. Me? Humor always works for me. It eases my tension and it makes the awkward moments more palatable. So, as I am sitting on that table butt naked with the world’s smallest paper (I am not even calling that thing a gown) towel clinging to my already sweating body…the Doctor walks in and I say “So seen anything interesting lately?” There. He laughs and we begin a conversation. I tell him how nervous I have been because of my weight. He assures me he has seen patients in a lot worse shape (was that supposed to make me feel good?) and, just like that, I am ready for this exam. Did I mention that I made my mother come with me because I was nervous…yes, I know how old I am…why?

The exam ended and I spoke to the Doctor for a while and I feel like we connected. He has spent a great deal of his life studying causes of weight gain in women and its relation to the female body. What a find! He took some blood and is checking my hormone levels…how ironic would it be if he was able to help me on my weight loss journey and my weight is the whole reason I postponed seeing him? I think I see a movie on the horizon…but who could play me? Definitely Cindy Crawford!